In defense of 100 foot brides who destroy Tokyo. Sort of.
not a bridezilla.
I used to be terrified of brides. Every time I went to meet a bride I thought “Oh God they’re gonna ask me 6573 questions that I don’t have answers to.” Sometimes I felt like I was about to interview with Meryl Streep from The Devil Wears Prada for a job I wasn't qualified for. Other times it felt like I was headed to the killers house but I didn't know she was the killer and of course I’ll have to be polite and go into the basement to see something and BAM! STAB STAB I’M DEAD.
I am not exaggerating when I say that, without exception, Every. Single. Bride. that I have worked with has been super cool. Not one single bride has attempted to murder me. None. And nobody has thrown a tantrum. Literally zero tantrums. I've never seen a bride treat a bridesmaid poorly. I've never had a bride DEMAND anything. Of me or anyone else. I've never even seen an eye roll. Not even an dramatic sigh. All my clients have been kind, gracious and classy. In fact, brides seem to be quite nice. The most negativity I've seen from a bride is when she is worried that someone may be inconvenienced or not enjoying themselves. Which is crazy because brides have to put up with all kinds of craziness. Sore feet. Exhaustion. Heat stroke. Dehydration. But somehow, they all stay cool. Seriously. Ask my wife which bride is my favorite and she’ll laugh and tell you “All of them.”
"Seriously. Ask my wife which bride is my favorite and she’ll laugh and tell you “All of them.”
So what’s going on? I thought I was going to run into all these Bridezillas? I thought all these brides were going to want shot lists written into contracts. I thought they were going to yell and carry on and stamp their feet and fire DJs mid set and cry and just generally be pissed off. I think we've come to believe, through media and pop culture depictions, that brides can be difficult to the point of no longer being human. And that’s the problem with the term Bridezilla. It’s catchy, sure. But it dehumanizes brides when brides are actually quite human. In fact, they are just like everyone else. They love to get dressed up and have a big party. Seeing friends and family makes them happy. It may be shocking to some, but when you bump music that the bride picked to dance to, they… *gasp* DANCE. Yeah. Crazy.
I suspect that nasty brides are noteworthy because they are in fact, quite rare. We have this term, Bridezilla, because it is something out of the ordinary. The word juxtaposed against what we all know brides generally to be; happy. That is to say, there is no separate word for a happy, good natured bride because happy and good natured is what they actually are.
The problem then becomes a linguistic one. Now we have two, binary words to describe brides. You can either be a bride or a Bridezilla. There’s no middle ground. There’s no word for a happy, nice bride who isn't going to add that creepy uncle she doesn't like to the guest list no matter how much her mother insists that he must be invited. I suspect that the Bridezilla label gets thrown out there as soon as a bride does or says something that someone doesn't prefer. Oh you made a decision about your wedding and you’re not changing your mind? BOOM you’re a Bridezilla.
I think brides realize this subconsciously. They know that if they don’t give in to aunt Sue that people are going to label her. And I suspect there are a lot of brides out there who didn't actually get the exact wedding they wanted because they gave into pressures from friends or family in order to avoid being labeled or perceived a certain way.
I bet many brides feel like they’re walking a tightrope. Everybody says “it’s your day”. Your supposed to be the boss. You’re the show runner. The wedding is your creation. From start to finish. Soup to nuts.
"What the hell does that even mean? Soup to nuts? What a weird saying."
What the hell does that even mean? Soup to nuts? What a weird saying. Ahem. Anyway. Brides are supposed to be the boss. But don’t you dare be bossy. And don’t even think about exerting control of this thing. It’s “your wedding” but if “you” make a decision and stick to it “you’re” a Bridezilla? This line seems impossibly thin and hopelessly walked.
Brides. Be a leader! Make sure you get what you want! It doesn't make you a Bridezilla, I promise!
Everybody else. Relax. She’s not being bossy, she is the boss. Accept that she’s just actively managing her own project. Keep in mind that no matter how badly you disagree with a decision she makes, it’s hers to make. And remember, it’s only one day! Just relax and have a good time!
But seriously though. Don’t even think about trying to write a shot list into a contract ;)